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Baby Got Books- Horror Remix

I have to thank Sarah Wendell of Smart Bitches, Trashy Books for pointing me in the direction of this link: fantasy author JIm C. Hines’ “Baby Got Books”, a great riff on the Sir Mix-a-Lot song. And now, thanks to our very talented reviewer and zombie editor, MonsterLibrarian.com presents our very own genre-specific version: “Baby Got Books- Horror Remix”. Warning- not for the faint of heart.

Baby Got Books: Horror Remix

[Intro]
Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her book.
It is so big. *scoff* It looks like,
one of those Stephen King books.
But, you know, who understands Stephen King? *scoff*
They only read it, because of,
like, alien butt parasites, ‘kay?
I mean, her book, is just so big.
I can’t believe it’s just so thick, it’s like,
out there, I mean – gross. Look!
It’s just so … creepy!

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
I like big books and I can not lie
You other readers can’t deny
That when the cover comes by with a big-ass mace
And a bloody psycho face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your eyes
‘Cause you gotta know who dies
Deep in the pages you’re reading
You’re hooked and people keep on bleeding
Oh baby, I wanna go post-apoc
Or maybe deep special ops
My parents tried to warn me
But every time I fall for the dark and gory
Ooh, cover-embossin’
You got vampires need crossin’?
Well, tease me, bleed me
‘Cause you ain’t all sparkly
I’ve seen them hatin’
To hell with literary fakin’
It’s lean, mean,
Got it goin’ like Brian Keene
I’m tired of happy endings
All the conflict getting mendings
Take your love stories and shove that
Gotta have something to hack

So, readers! (Yeah!) Readers! (Yeah!)
Got your Joe Hill book? (Hell yeah!)
Then read it! (Read it!) Read it! (Read it!)
Read that horror book!
Baby got books!

(Ligotti and Garton)
Baby got books!

Help a Reader Out: Unnamed Werewolf Anthology

Since it’s Werewolf Month, I thought there might be some werewolf fans hanging around who might be able to help answer this question we recently received from Angela about a werewolf anthology she read some time ago. She remembers the stories in detail, but not the name of the book. With so many details, I’m hoping someone here will be able to identify the book, or at the very least, some of the stories. Since the stories all have children in them, I’m guessing it may be a young adult book. Post below if you think you recognize this as-yet-unnamed werewolf anthology, and help a reader out.

Angela writes:

Just curious, and this is a very long shot… I stumbled upon your
website while looking for a particular book on short stories of
werewolves. I am hoping I can describe some of the stories (that I can
remember) and perhaps you may have heard of them
and possibly steer me in the right direction on finding a title for this
particular book or the title of the stories..

First off, this book is well over 15 years old, 1990s.. somewhere,
possibly earlier. Contained some short stories, some were pretty well
written, here is some of what I can remember:

1st story:

There was a carnival, a child had earned enough money to visit a vendor,
he was last in line, so he got what was left.. a wolf pelt. A girl in
front of him mocked him, she had the vampire outfit.
The instructions to him were: put on the wolf pelt, then put the head on
after the lights turned off. He did as he was instructed, the wolf pelt
closed, and he ran through the forest to chase the moon. He stole
the wolf pelt because he did not want to give up the feeling.

2nd story:

A wolf pack and a son. The son was an outcast of sorts, his father had
run off. Some nights, he would wake up to see a strange man with his
mother downstairs talking. Later, the mother dies and he is sent to
live with another family. He is accused of witchcraft and locked in a box of some sorts. A wolf digs him out and takes him to the pack. His father is the Alpha male
and explains that all wolf packs need a human leader to help them avoid
the humans in general. The father is dying and needs to pass on this gift / curse so that the pack may live. The son accepts.

3rd story:

A boy on a crusade has the curse, seeks to rid the curse, follows the
crusade across a huge distance to find salvation (cant remember all
details of this one, but I remember it was particularly good and a
little bit religious).

4th story:

Werewolf and Puck. Werewolf is lonely, steals a 2 year old child, gives
to the lonely werewolf. Puck runs off, leaving the child in the
werewolf’s care against the werewolf’s wishes. The werewolf comes to
love the child and protects it.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

Well? Anybody recognize this book? 

(I’d like to thank Sarah Wendell and her HaBO feature at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books for inspiration).

The H-Word. Part 2

Watch out.

I’m gonna say it again. Horror. Horror fiction. It’s out there. And it not only crosses over, but exists outside the bounds of other genres. Don’t be afraid to say it. Some people just don’t seem to be able to get it down on paper.

In her new readers advisory guide, Fang-tastic Fiction: Twenty-First Century Paranormal Reads, Patricia O’Brien Mathews really tries hard to define the boundaries of what constitutes paranormal fiction, for the purposes of her guide. Her introduction makes it pretty specific, as a matter of fact. She excludes most science fiction, dystopian fiction, straight fantasy fiction, and horror fiction (which she defines as fiction with the primary intent to scare or horrify the audience). Alas, the world of literature is not so easily categorized these days, as she found when she searched for “paranormal” titles in bookstores and libraries. Does Kelley Armstrong write science fiction, horror, mystery or fantasy? Sarah Wendell of Smart Bitches, Trashy Books counts Armstrong’s novel Bitten as a favorite paranormal romance. Which is it? Are Rachel Vincent’s Werecats books(which we’ve reviewed here- check out this review for Stray science fiction, romance, or horror? And do they have anything in common with F. Paul Wilson’s Repairman Jack series (and here’s a review of Infernal from that series) at all, except for both being classified as science fiction and horror?

Do all of these really belong to the same family of books? Because horror keeps popping up, even in a book that specifically excludes books in that genre in favor of “paranormal reads”. Maybe someone should go shake the catalogers until they develop some consistency. No offense. I love catalogers.

I’ll mention here that Patricia contacted us and offered to help us out while I was in the middle of writing this. I really do think it’s great that she put this guide together. And it’s even better that she is willing to share her expertise. She has a blog where she updates her annotations, which is worth checking out.

So on to the next book that drove me bonkers. That would be Writing the Paranormal Novel: Techniques and Exercises For Weaving Supernatural Elements Into Your Story, by Steven Harper. I’m not really trying to write paranormal fiction, but for what it’s worth I think it’s an interesting and informative guide, and right at the beginning, Harper writes about “supernatural people”. You know, vampires, demons, zombies, shape-shifters, malevolent monsters… There’s lots about world building and developing character histories, plot, pacing, point of view… there are exercises you can try and checklists to use, but the closest Harper gets to the H-word is a mention of The Talisman, co-authored by Peter Straub and Stephen King. Now, obviously there are many types of books that use the classic monsters of the horror genre for their own ends (and the term “paranormal” covers a broad swath of literature), which is fine, but COME ON! Is the horror genre so invisible that you don’t notice it even when you are writing about writing about its tropes, creatures, and cliches?

Apparently it is.